Actual Want-Ads Found On Gumtree
(That may in fact have been placed by yours truly)
This is not a typo. I want a tiger that explodes in some way, not Tiger Balm. I do NOT need Tiger Balm, I need Tiger Blam.
This can be a stuffed tiger, a photo of a tiger, or an abstract concept that in some way conjures up a tiger for all who view such a thing. An onomatopoeic tiger will be considered, only if it sounds something like ‘blam’. ‘Boom’, ‘blamp’, ‘blaam’ or ‘blaaam’ will all be considered. I am willing to pay TOP DOLLAR* for this thing.
(*I will draw a picture of a dollar coin wearing a top hat. The coin will be smiling and that hat will be large.)
No fakes please. If you have Tiger Blam I will make it worth your while.
Nostalgia: Remember this show?
I am looking for the DVD or VHS of a show I used to love as a child. I can’t remember the title, so please bear with me. (I will accept poor-quality tapes and discs).
The show involved a bear called Montanus or Polycarp or maybe Exactotron. This bear was three times the size of the screen, so all you could see was his feet. He would do a different dance each episode and we would copy this in our lounge rooms at home while Mum made us cheese toasties after school.
There was also a talking tree who was DEFINITELY called Aladdin. He would always say ‘not that Aladdin’ and he laughed like a gurgling drain. When he laughed, apples came down and they were filled with soft cheese. There were always kids in the audience and they would eat the cheese-apples. This was why Mum made us cheese toasties to eat along with the show.
There was a river of cheese with a boat captain on a raft. His name was Charon (Karon?), and let the kids over the river for the price of a coin, and there was a cat with three heads on the other side. The cat sang songs about calcium and milk and also the cheese river.
I think it was sponsored by the dairy board. Please help if you know this or something like this show. I hope it was not a dream. I would do the dance I learned from the giant bear in class the next day and they would clap and laugh. It was my favourite childhood memory!
Genuine Time Travel Device
This is a serious scientific experiment.
Is time travel possible? I would like to know. This ad is for me, in the future (you know who you are. You are me in the future). All non-me personnel need not apply.
I would like you (future me) to appear at the place (wink, wink) where I am right now, typing at this computer. Please arrive approximately five seconds after I upload the ad and bring a spare time travel device.
I will trade for a 2013 sports almanac or similar.
No-one delete this ad until time travel is proven. They said this could not be done, but I just did it.